Where Is Your Ideal Partner? And What the Heck Do I Know Anyway?
 I know so many people looking for their life partner – the ideal person to mesh their lives with. I have to be honest… I actually began writing this article months ago and have been avoiding its completion. It has changed and morphed… been added to and deleted from… so here it is. I do not in any way claim to be an expert. I am simply sharing some thoughts, a little experience and a few ideas. My hope with any article is to shake things up a bit, maybe shift a few old thought patterns and learn along the way. As my Dad would say: “Be patient with me, my consciousness is under construction.”
I will be brave and share a few paragraphs. I will do my best and in doing so maybe make a little sense too. I keep hearing my friends, clients and students discuss this topic… it’s a biggie and worth paying some attention to.
Have you ever noticed that when you stop looking or grasping for someone or something, it shows up? Like a phone number you are trying to recall. As soon as you let go of the angst of trying to remember, it comes to you – as soon as you let go and relax, there it is.
It is usually when we feel free, confident and feel like life is going well and maybe we really don’t care if we have someone in our life or not, whoosh – the floodgates open. We wonder where they all were when we were looking. It is because of what I shared above… we have let go. I like to think of it this way: “place your order” for a partner. In other words: set an intention, but then, let go and let the Universe take care of the details.
Let’s look at going to a restaurant for lunch. The server brings you a menu – you look at all the options and decide what you want. The server comes back and takes your order – you order a sandwich and soup. When this occurs you assume that it will arrive at your table right? You place your order and continue your conversation with your friends. You don’t follow the waiter around reminding him that you did in fact order soup and a sandwich. Or follow him into the kitchen pleading for your lunch. No, you place the order and KNOW it is on its way. It is one of ways of looking at manifesting a new relationship. Maybe we need to simply let go and assume in the same way we ordered lunch. Is it that simple? Maybe.
All relationships are opportunities for growth and digging more deeply within ourselves. It is in a partnered relationship when we are the most raw and vulnerable, in ways we are not with any other person. It really does present us with one of the best possible chances for personal development. It can open us right up, to being exposed and maybe allowing all of the stuff we need to heal to come to the surface. I often use the analogy of people meeting and behind them each person is towing a suitcase. (We come with at least one carry-on.) In each suitcase are their hang-ups, unresolved, old baggage, issues etc. This meeting of two souls creates the opportunity to assist one another in carefully unzipping one another’s suitcases and slowly unpacking the contents. We hope to begin the unpacking process safely and where hopefully there is no judgment – but instead; understanding, unconditional love and support. I believe that people are often too afraid to unpack, so they go from relationship to relationship; hauling the same bag along and hoping it will be different each time. They blame the person they are with; convincing themselves it is the other person’s issues that caused the relationship to fall apart or “not work.”
Not everyone is ready to grow within the context of a relationship… we may start to unpack and one person runs away… or one person is there for the long haul and the other has one foot out the door. Is it because of the way our world seems to be evolving these days? People are so distracted and busy texting, watching TV, on their computers etc. We have begun to lose touch with normal human interaction. We need to be present in a relationship to allow for it to grow and evolve into something that flourishes. If you had a vegetable garden, planted the seeds and then walked away what would happen. Some plants might grow, but the weeds would move in. Relationships need nourishing and attention like a garden, and even with the best of intentions will need weeding once in awhile.
We have these opportunities to unpack, to walk through the muck with someone and become closer. But some people may choose fear instead, not love. And in that situation we need to realize it is the path they have chosen and we must honour that choice. Maybe they would rather keep seeking outside of themselves and blaming the other person. All we can do is know that we are all doing the best we can with where we are on this spiritual journey in this physical body.
“Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyse your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.”
Leo F. Buscaglia
In relationships, and life in general, we need to love ourselves with all of our foibles and idiosyncrasies and try not to change ourselves or anyone else. We are wonderful and unique with the characteristics that help define who we are and what we are about. When we come to terms with – hey, this is me and I am okay with me just the way I am. I personally think that the little odd things are quite endearing and are what makes each of unique.
With all of this talk about love and relationships – how will you manifest the ideal partner? By looking within? Yes, ideally we go to that place inside of ourselves first. If you are unhappy inside and do not deeply love and admire yourself, how can you expect to share those qualities with someone else? If you judge yourself, you will automatically judge others. If you love yourself deeply, you can extend that love beyond yourself and embrace another person in the same way. It has to begin with you.
Here is one idea to draw in the ideal partner for you: make a very detailed list of all of the characteristics you would love in a partner. Include every single thing you can think of. And then let it go, place your order and assume that your new partner is on their way.
And remember: your ideal partner first exists within you… your vibration will attract exactly what you are seeking… like attracts like.
Treat each relationship you experience as a sacred opportunity for growth, let go of the fear and the fight. Instead, embrace the opportunity to grow and heal yourself – FIRST.
Cultivate the best possible you… be YOUR ideal partner…and then he or she will show up in your life.
Let go of the worry… as soon as you let go poof! It will happen!!
And… I want to add a special thank you to every single one of you that has been in my life for the past 10 – 12 years… I am richer for every single experience.
As always I am here to support you in this life journey and love your feedback.
Please take a moment and read what a few people had to say about last week’s ezine:
“Love the way you provide comfort, encourage, guide and (if necessary) a kick in the ass! I loved your email about the sacred illness. Thank you. Perfect timing. And a nice reminder to trust that things are unfolding as they should.” P.H.
“Great ezine! As usual, once I read it I thought of someone to forward it to  Hugs.”
“Your e-zine was so timely!!!! I loved your article: ‘sacred Illness or dreaded occurrence.’ I realize now that chest pain & subsequent angiogram (& feeling overwhelmed with life) almost 2.5 yrs ago, was the beginning of my “sacred illness”. It really has been a blessing. Thanks Cheryl for your help with turning my ‘physical’ ailments around and, to not focusing on the discomfort. AND: for your gentle reminders that one can change how one thinks. Thank you ~ Thank you ~ Thank you.” S.R.
“Cheryl – Love it! Chock full ezine of weekly wisdom at my fingertips. How easy and blessed is that? So relate to sacred illness as a teacher! So many great classes.” C.S.
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